Those of us who are dissatisfied with or lives or our selves often fantasize, non-sexually, about how things could be better. This doesn’t just apply to trans* people, but anyone. I’ve about being many things: a character from a video game our even IN a video game; a force of nature, human in appearance but immortal, invulnerable, and powerfully magical; a child, lost, alone, and vulnerable (until kind strangers come to my aid); I’ve even fantasized about being violently transformed, sometimes painlessly, sometimes not, but usually publicly. However, a common thread runs through those fantasies: in each one, I’m female, or I’m transformed into a female. I think that’s pretty telling.
Today has been an interesting day. First, I finally broke down my internal barriers and contacted a therapist to possibly set up an appointment, so that’s good. I was given a deadline to find my own place to live, but it’s not until May first, so that’s good. And I got my new glasses today, three days before the estimated date they would be ready. So all in all, a somewhat good day.
It’s been a month since I posted anything. I really have nothing new to say. I came out to some longtime offline friends that I now live too far away from to see in person. I’ve been spending time in a transgender chat room. I’ve been trying to eat healthier and lose some weight. I may be getting a new job soon, but that’s still up in the air.